I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
