I'm really into asian looking animals
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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