please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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