The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
