why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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