we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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