don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
