Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
then he tried to convert me to islam
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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