Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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