I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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