i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
