I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I cut my penus on the lid.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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