quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
