Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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