phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
