Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
