WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
