What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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