I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You left your phone here
Wait...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize