You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
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Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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