You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
