Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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