I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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