Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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