Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
