I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
