Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize