New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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