everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
