carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
