Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
