Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
