all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
