at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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