Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
