I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
