if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
MIDGETS
????
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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