Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize