Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
