i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
