Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
