I wish I could teleport
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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