Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
