I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
