Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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