Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
