Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
