They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sorry about my life...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
