We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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