Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
