I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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