I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
