It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i came on her dog
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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