She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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