you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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