so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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