Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
