It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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