You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
