There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
