Small penises have feelings too.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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