How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
