There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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