Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
