I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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