Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I will be naked everywhere
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
