I just cut my nipple shaving
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
