You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
