my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
