By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
