My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
