So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
