And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
