2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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