I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
