now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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