They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
