Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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