Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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