Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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