now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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