Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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