i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
