I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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