Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
